“Of course, you know they were also disembowelled…”

This weeks blog expertly written by Vincent Goode

25 early risers were in attendance this morning, and Aidan was adopting a dress down Thursday policy, because of his wife’s birthday. Not entirely convinced this was a valid excuse, but he also passed the blog writing to me, so he must be busy doing something with Mrs Squire later today.

A noticeable absence was Paul Dulieu who is in the Congo setting up the new branch of EBF – that’s the Eritrean Business Forum.

The Performance League

Top of the leader-board with 348 points is still Matty Barry who is proving to be the go-to-guy to have a 1-2-1 with.

Education Presentation

Saj Sreedharan delivered the Education Slot this morning. By coincidence, he was pontificating on the benefits of regular 1-2-1’s with fellow members. To amplify this, we now have 1-2-1 information sheets available on the members’ section of the EBF website.

The 60 Second Round

The 60 second round kicked off with Matt Barry telling us how much he loves rugby. He loves it so much he wants an introduction to a rugby club. Any rugby club will do, so that he can tell them how much he loves rugby.

Ellen Beckenham is feeling needy. She needs introductions to contractors, architects and structural engineers. It is a long list, so please find her an introduction to anyone who likes a bit of asbestos.

Marcelle Saad told us of a man who had lost a big diamond from his wife’s ring. Definitely his fault, not hers, it seems. But wherever the blame lies, Marcelle can replace it with a shiny new stone.

Toby Acton was sporting his new botoxed lips, forehead and neck. Once he has made us all into wealthy bastards, TOWIE will be calling him imminently.

Anna-Marie Cooper encouraged us to Google our own image. If you’re horrified with what you find, go see Anna-Marie and for a small fee she will photograph you and make you look beautiful. Most of the members will probably need a bit of Photoshopping to achieve this.

Kieron Peaty was sporting his new-dad haggard, tired and sleepless look. He thinks he is still an architect, if being an architect involves changing nappies at 4 in the morning.

Ben Ben Golding announced there is only 48 hours left to take advantage of the Utility Warehouse January promotion. By the time you read this it will probably be too late. You snooze, you lose…

Richard Reed is offering some amazing deals to Orlando. However, the discounts only take effect if you pay to take him with you.

Terry Maylin is looking for employers who want to get rid of their staff. And employees who no longer want to work for their employers. There won’t be anyone left at this rate.

Simon Essex is looking for flexible graduates. Assuming they can touch their toes, they should be fine.

Stuart Smallcombe warned us to beware of mobile deals offering unlimited data packages. This can result in very slow internet, which isn’t very useful for certain specialist websites. So I’m told…

Tina Walker can help organise your invoices. Just drop off your Sainsbury’s (other supermarkets are available) bags of paperwork and she will return them, sorted and typed up on a spreadsheet.

Mason Edwards enjoyed his breakfast, because he tells us he’s full of beans. He is looking for estate agents who traditionally have filthy carpets.

John Freeman helps property owners to get their properties in a condition ready to put on the market.

Dean Caldon is happy to offer a 24 hour flexible service. Phone him at 3am to discuss your property – he would really like that. His flexibility earned him the Oscar from Matt.

Scott Griffiths is looking for small clients. Under 5 foot tall would be perfect.

Ford Astbury is advising us to save money eating out at restaurants, his solution is to supply and fit a shiny new kitchen

Vincent Goode illustrated that you should print your mailers and flyers on both sides, so that they don’t land on the doormat blank side up. Richard Reed got very excited at a thick laminated flyer sample and started rubbing himself with it. Which goes to prove how sexy printing can be.

Brian Painter used the Three Stooges from the naughty corner to read out some of his client testimonials. They kind of took over proceedings, but the main message was, if you want to give up smoking, Brian’s your man.

Alan Moller’s quest for a turd is over. It can be found in Romford. Bish bash bosh, job’s a good’un.

Paul Booth was sporting his new beard. He’s gone for the James Robertson Justice look. Google it.

10-minute presentation by Ben, Ben Golding

Ben Ben Golding gave us a very lively presentation which included a competitive game of Ben Ben’s Bingo. Kieron managed to stay awake to get the first line. Brian got the full house and won a piggy. That’s dinner sorted.